parental pressures
parents. what is that unparalleled psychological grip that they hold over you? it doesn't matter what your age - i can't believe that i am 35 and still rebelling..
what is it about parents that they have the power to make you feel you are 12 again? the guilt that you are not following the path they have expected of you. the duty and obligation you feel to not disappoint them..
it seems that most of our insecurities, neuroses, and body dysmorphisms stem from our parents.. a scary concept for one interested in starting a family of her own... and yet i feel that they didn't do such a bad job - i think that i turned out relatively sane and balanced.. and i do love them unequivocally. then why am i gripped by sudden anxiety to have to face them? why did i move halfway around the world to be away from them?
i guess that would be so i wouldn't have to face their criticism - what could be worse than disappointing those that love you most? and yet i know they are proud of me, they love me and want nothing more than for me to be happy.. they just wish i could be happy on their terms - wishing that fulfilling their dreams would also fulfill mine.
as for me, i have found my own way, my own path.. i may still be discovering my own journey but nothing could be clearer than what i don't want. to their own dismay, they've raised me to be the thinking independent person i am.. so breathe deeply - and enjoy the visit...
posted by minako @ 11:53 PM
1 Comments:
"Honor thy father and thy mother". Some variation of that theme is taught in almost every culture. From the earliest of age we seek to please our parents. They are our first source of praise and approval.
In our mind (and sometimes theirs) their love is tied to it. It's used as a means of control over our behavior, shaping and molding our personalities and lives around it. And thus begins a lifetime of seeking that approval and praise, even when we go half way around the world to get away from that insidious control. I would rather have had a spanking than hear my mom say "you disappointed me". Ouch!
So from early on we struggle with the dichotomy of our need for independence and our need for approval. They hold the cards the first 18 years or so, we just have to learn when it's time to fold and walk away, to play by our own rules. Oh shit, my mom's calling. Got to go. Good luck solarkitty!
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