where is maria?

what makes a person an unique individual? what determines aspects of personality? and once fully formed, how far can it be altered?

phineas gage had a railroad tie driven through the front of his head and turned him from being a nasty surly man to a complacent gentle persona. and thus the frontal lobotomy was born. a stroke is kind of like a lobotomy in that it kills off part of the brain - usually parts that control motor function of one side of the body, or of speech.

language. such a complex function. you need the cognitive ability to know an idea that you want to express, then find the words in your mind to make the idea meaningful to others, and finally be able to translate that in your head to form the words in your mouth and make sounds that others can hear. to communicate, one must be able to hear the reply, understand the meaning of words to formulate the idea it represents and how it relates to what you're saying. and we do this all the time without conscious thought.

i have wondered which would be preferable - to have conscious thought but to be locked in and not be able to express them, or to be able to fluently chat about anything but without the ideas that make conversation meaningful. i find it scary to not be able to formulate meaningful thoughts or ideas. i associate my identity with my thoughts - i think, therefore i am.. and yet being blissfully unaware may be the more humane and definitely happier state of being.

are you the same person if you cannot make coherent thoughts or have accurate memories? i am the cumulative effect of my past experiences - so if my past memories and thought processes are scrambled what does that do to who i am?

so, where is maria? thankfully in good spirits, her mind struggling to make new synapses to make sense of movement, thought, memories and speech. my heart goes out to you. many happy healing thoughts and wishes are being sent your way. happy birthday, dear one, you are beloved.