the heinz bottle crack'ed..

..hoping that time, burgers and a little superglue can mend...

oneiromancy

the ancient egyptians used dream analysis as a way of interpreting messages from the gods, or in finding a way towards a medical therapy or cure. freud and jung theorized that dreams have meanings, and that some dreams are symbolic of figurative thinking found in waking thoughts.

i have had 2 vivid dreams recently of there being grains of sand in my mouth and i'm trying to wash them out, but even with rinsing my mouth out with water, i continue to have that distinct taste and sense of grittiness that i can't seem to get rid of..

i looked up what the various symbols meant and they are as follows:

sand - the passage of time; something temporary or unreliable / lack of security; friction; wanting to smooth things over or avoid the rough edges; failing to acknowledge an issue; letting something or someone slip through your fingers

mouth - self-expression; communication; taking in something new / pleasure; sexuality; sensuality; receptivity / fear of being swallowed up; engaging in gossip; divulging a secret; something that is difficult to accept

washing - trying to clear up something; ridding yourself of negative feelings or thoughts; something that will become clear later on; something that is not logical or believable; being awash in emotions

so does this mean that i am trying to rid myself of negative thoughts, a lack of security, an issue - that at present i am unable to communicate or express?

or maybe as even freud said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".

parental pressures

parents. what is that unparalleled psychological grip that they hold over you? it doesn't matter what your age - i can't believe that i am 35 and still rebelling..

what is it about parents that they have the power to make you feel you are 12 again? the guilt that you are not following the path they have expected of you. the duty and obligation you feel to not disappoint them..

it seems that most of our insecurities, neuroses, and body dysmorphisms stem from our parents.. a scary concept for one interested in starting a family of her own... and yet i feel that they didn't do such a bad job - i think that i turned out relatively sane and balanced.. and i do love them unequivocally. then why am i gripped by sudden anxiety to have to face them? why did i move halfway around the world to be away from them?

i guess that would be so i wouldn't have to face their criticism - what could be worse than disappointing those that love you most? and yet i know they are proud of me, they love me and want nothing more than for me to be happy.. they just wish i could be happy on their terms - wishing that fulfilling their dreams would also fulfill mine.

as for me, i have found my own way, my own path.. i may still be discovering my own journey but nothing could be clearer than what i don't want. to their own dismay, they've raised me to be the thinking independent person i am.. so breathe deeply - and enjoy the visit...

it's the spark!

like the emperor penguins of the antarctic, it is unclear what exactly draws one being to another in the search for a mate..
looks? attitude? aura? pheromones? whatever it is, there is a personal connection on a physical, intellectual (one would hope) and emotional level that makes us want to spend our time and our lives with this special person.

modern courtship and mating rituals are complicated by parental and cultural pressures - wealth, education, class, race, politics, religion.. and our own brainwashing - the disney or hollywood version of 'prince charming' or 'mr. right'. there's the idea of who this made-up person is - and then there's the reality of the mere mortals of who we actually are.. so how does one find the perfect match and know that he's the one?

finding is the difficult part. in today's world of casual hookups and virtually no romance, women have little time and opportunity to meet people outside of their immediate work circle - often not the ideal place to start a relationship. so we tend to date people met at parties or bars, through introductions - blind dates or via the internet. where one may not put their most honest face forward - they're on their best behavior.. for now. and then there's timing - either he's still involved with someone, or just getting over someone or else you are - there are kids involved or an overclose mother.. and if not, an immediate red flag - we wonder what's the catch, what's he hiding, what's wrong with him? and maybe there isn't anything wrong with him - it's nice, but there just isn't that spark, that head-over-heels feeling that you get when you're with him. or there is that all consuming excitement and passion that fades in 3 months or so when you realise that you actually don't have that much in common or aren't very compatible after all.. (what, anchovies and pineapple on pizza?!)

finding true love means not settling for less. in knowing he's the one there should be no question - you just know. when you're in love it's obvious to the world - the way your eyes light up when speaking of him, a secret smile just thinking of him - the way your heart feels like it's about to explode when you kiss.. and that feeling grows each and every day. it's that spark that overrides everything - it's the spark that counts!

pesky growth

I finally got to exactly where I wanted to
be, she said, so why won't all these
growth experiences go away & leave me
alone?

story of the day, sent to me by a little birdie near and dear to my heart...
are we ever exactly where we want to be - or do we just tell ourselves that? life is flux. we wish the high points to stay there suspended in time, and 'growth experiences' are just euphamisms for things that suck ass (as my dear sis in law would say)..

growth is pesky - and thank god for it.
the only thing scarier than life being bad is life being static.